Safe Place

What do you do when your 'safe place', is so far away?

Athan is my safe place, my safe person. I can tell him anything and know he will listen and not condemn. He will not judge. If needed, he'll speak truth to me. But he gives me time to process out loud first, something I desperately need.

But while he's gone, the most I can do is send him an email. And hope he has a chance to read it before too many days go by. And then has time to call me.

It's so hard, when I feel so much like I need someone to talk to. I don't feel like I can share these issues with friends, even close friends, because it involves other people and I don't want to slander or gossip.

Praying Athan can call me tonight... I desperately need it. I'm ready to hightail it back to SC right now. But I know that would be hard too.

Feeling Sad and Down

I don't feel like going on Facebook and trying to sound like I'm OK tonight.

Tonight, I'm not OK. I'm incredibly sad that my husband is not with me. I'm frustrated to be living in someone else's house and not my own. I don't even HAVE one to go to. I'm tired of having to explain to my children that their Daddy is not coming home tomorrow. For a lot of tomorrows.

I know I should be trusting God and saying things like 'I'm so thankful I'm with family and not on my own. I'm so glad my kids have such a great Daddy that they miss him.'

I am trying to trust God. But I'm failing at it right now. And I don't want to put on the facade that everything is fine and I'm this amazing, strong, brave woman. I'm not and I'm tired of people telling me I am. Do you know how hard it is to live up to that expectation?

I really just want to cry. I want to be sad and know it's OK, because God didn't make me a robot but a human being with emotions. And not feel guilty for being so sad.

I also would really like some chocolate. But I don't have that either.