It's been awhile. Oh well, I'm back. I also have been feeling the 'need' to blog lately, because of Athan being gone. I'm an external processor and just need to put things outside of myself to think through them. So here I am again.
While on vacation in MI we found out Athan's deployment had been changed and moved up. We rushed home to SC, packed our house in a week and came to KY. Had a day here with him, getting settled in at his folk's house and then took him to the Nashville airport on August 14. He left for training the next day. And now he is in Afghanistan.
It's a 6 month deployment. We're maybe 10 days in? Not really fun to think of it that way.
While he's gone I have set some goals for myself: lose weight, finish baby scrapbooks, learn to sew, get a nose ring. Maybe some other stuff will get thrown in there.
As of right now I have been faithfully going to the gym 4-5 times a week. I think I'm averaging walking/jogging 12-15 miles a week. And doing weights for abs, arms and legs each time I'm there. My reward: an uninterrupted, hot shower in the ladies locker room! My kids love the 'play park' where they are carefully supervised so it's 2 hrs of 'me' time every day... very much needed.
No sewing lessons yet, but there is plenty of time. Right now we're still establishing a regular schedule.
Seth is in preschool at Heritage, he loves it! He goes 3 mornings a week and I am thrilled for him. He tends to be one of those children that learns best from someone other than his parents (Athan thinks so just as much as I do).
In reading other folks blogs, it's funny to me how different perspectives can be. Natural childbirth, Rx drug-free living, homeschooling... all *seem* good and right and *Christian*. I feel lots of guilt when I start comparing my choices/circumstances to those of others.
For instance: I was induced with all three of my babies. My blood pressure gets high enough that I get put on bed-rest in the third trimester and high enough that it is unsafe to wait for labor to start on it's own. Due to long, pitocin induced labors I've had epidurals. *insert guilt feelings for not being able to 'go natural' and 'do it on my own'*
For instance: I was home schooled and admire those who do. But I have absolutely NO desire to home school my children. At all. *insert guilt feelings for not wanting to 'mother' correctly*
For instance: I have some extreme post-partum depression and take a Rx for it. No I don't want to harm my children, haven't had those feelings; however, you could pretty much check off every single physical symptom for ppd and apply it to me, as well as feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness... *insert guilt feelings for 'needing' a drug to help me cope*
But I'm starting to think something new for me- and maybe you've already reached this pinnacle: who cares if other women/moms do it differently? who cares if I don't live up to the 'standard' that so many unknowingly set? The only thing I am called to as a wife and mother is to glorify God. As long as I am obedient to Him, then so what if it looks different for me than for you?
As a chronic 'people-pleaser', non-confrontational, abused-child, this is a big deal for me.
On a completely different note, I'm compiling a list of 'Things Not to Say to Someone Whose Spouse is Deployed'. Stay tuned for that later. ;)
2 comments:
Loved your post :) Good for you for getting to the gym so much! It's something I've always wanted to do, but it's so hard to find the time :) I'm with you on the guilty feelings... it's easy to let what other people think/say get to you. But you're right. Your job is to glorify God in your jobs as wife and mommy... as long as you're doing that, don't give what other people think you should do another thought :)
PS. I can 100% relate to the homeschooling struggles. I was and feel lots of pressure to do the same. But, I, at this moment in time, have zero desire to do so. :)
PPS. Side note, we were in a mission store today and they had an old organ. Zachy saw it and right away said "Mommy, Mommy! It's just like my friend Seth's! We played it together! Maybe sometime we can again." I thought it was cute... so if you ever make your way back to MI, Seth will have a little buddy :)
What are you saying? The "Did you hear that today there were three troupes killed I hope he wasn't one of them" is not helpful? ;)
Forget pleasing people, they will always have an opinion. Right there with you with epidural (God gave us people that know drugs for a reason), RX for postpartum and I am a better mom for it. You and your husband have to make that decision. After 12 hours of back labor I was all about painkillers. Four weeks of early labor with my second made me consider it a whole lot faster. With my third? Give me the drugs. And I am planning on the fourth to be just the same, thank you very much. And guess what, I read all the opinions of why it is bad for the baby too. And me. But so is labor. -> Moving on.
I hope for your sake you will escape the cancer comments, they are just as annoying as the deployment comments. The amount of wisdom and input we got was staggering. We still have a list of our most favorite advise. Make a list too. When Athan is back you can go through it and laugh. It will eventually be funny.
As a fellow "trying to keep others happy" I encourage you to step out. It is very liberating ;)
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